By Maria Hampton
Maria Hampton is beginning her fourteenth year at Roland
Park Country School where she currently teaches the 6th
and 7th grade Content Area Skills Lab and 7th grade Human
Sexuality as part of the middle school Life Skills program.
Her course is adapted from Guidelines for Sexuality, 3rd edition, developed by
the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. In
addition, she uses contemporary music, writing, and media as the basis for class
discussions.
Working in an all girls’ school
allows me opportunities to engage in and overhear conversations
about different types of relationships. This includes parental,
sibling, friendship and dating relationships. One recurrent
theme is how to negotiate relationships. In order to develop
and maintain healthy relationships, girls must understand
what a healthy relationship is.
In my seventh grade Life Skills classroom, relationships are a topic that we
discuss for much of the semester growing out of discussions about values and
choices. As we talk about fashion, teen movies, music, television shows, and
print media, the girls become more aware that they must stop and evaluate rather
than just accept images and messages about who they should be and how they should
present themselves. Although families, friends, and school usually provide support
to help girls to develop a positive self image, this is often eroded by messages
to the contrary that they see and hear daily. Media images and messages about
being a young female in American society are antithetical to girls developing
a positive sense of self. My class focuses on getting girls to see themselves
as capable and competent and not as damsels in distress continually needing to
be saved. They come to think of themselves not as the ho’s, sluts and bitches
referred to in popular music and on music videos, but rather as individuals deserving
respect.
Friendships are prime proving grounds
for testing the parameters of relationships. From these
interactions, girls come to understand what they are and
are not willing to put up with in a relationship. Since
we raise girls to be very concerned about the feelings
of others, it is difficult for many of them to express
displeasure about how a personal situation is progressing.
Teaching girls to express their feelings about their relationships
prepares them for managing future relationships independently.
Only with a positive awareness of self, can girls enter
into a healthy relationship with another and understand
that a relationship is a shared entity in which both partners
have input. They come to understand that respect flows
in both directions. A healthy relationship is free from
physical abuse or the threat of abuse. When we discussed
Chris Brown beating Rihanna, some girls commented, “She must
have done something to make him act like that”. Where do girls get the
notion that it is okay for a woman to be beaten because she did or said something
that her partner did not like? If they are accepting of this behavior towards
Rihanna, then how likely are they to accept it for themselves?
One-on-one dating is occurring at a younger and younger
age while teen dating violence is on the increase. In a
healthy relationship, one individual does not exercise
power and control over the other which is what leads to
this violence. Do middle school girls understand this?
Where do they acquire the knowledge about a dating relationship?
What is acceptable and what is not? Who is having the conversation
about intimacy and comfort level before dropping girls
off at the mall, movie theater, or house party? We must
talk to young girls about choices and alternatives before
placing them in situations that may prove detrimental to
their health and safety. In addition, such conversations
will enable girls to learn to read social situations and
assess whether or not it is in their best interest to become
involved or remain involved.
Throughout the semester, we talk about
parents, teachers, and counselors as resources for girls
to use as they seek to develop the skills that they need
to navigate relationships. Girls must understand the components
of relationships so that they can develop and sustain healthy
ones to enhance their sense of well being.
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